 | When the going gets tough, some of us have an instinct to pull in – to self-isolate, even conceal our tough times. Maybe we resist drawing attention to ourselves or our difficulties. Maybe we feel that stoicism and privacy are the best parts of valor. We cleave to normalcy like it's nobody's business. For deep reasons, Jewish spiritual life calls us against these instincts. We have duty to visit and help, and we have a duty to allow it. Here's why. |
| By Rabbi David Evan Markus P. Vayera 2026 (2025) | Recent Divrei Torah on this portion: • On Spirituality and Trauma (2023) • The Fever Dreams (2024) |
Poet Ella Wheeler Wilcox famously wrote: "Laugh, and the world laughs with you. Weep, and you weep alone." Her words cuttingly critique a world that can seem cold and uncaring.
Children naturally hard-wired for empathy grow into adults who think ourselves caring but yet too often shy away from deep encounter with suffering – whether another's or our own.
Wise to those impulses, Jewish spirituality calls us against them. We are called, commanded, to visit the sick and comfort the bereaved. And we are called to allow these expressions of care, however strong our impulses to minimize, deflect or isolate.
These callings are utterly core to our identity, and they begin in this week's Torah portion.
Avraham took on the Covenant by circumcising himself. Immediately (Gen. 18:1), "YHVH appeared to [Avraham] by the trees of Mamre, as he sat at the opening of the tent in the heat of day." Our ancestors understood God to visit Avraham during his circumcision fever (before sterile procedures and antibiotics). It was Torah's first bikkur holim – visiting the sick.
We learn immediately that visiting the sick – being the one who visits, and being the one visited – is bound up with the Covenant. They aren't merely nice things, or optional things. They are core, and the reason also is core.
Many centuries later, Talmud called us to follow God, but wondered how we could follow an invisibility. Talmud reasoned (B.T. Sotah 14a):
Children naturally hard-wired for empathy grow into adults who think ourselves caring but yet too often shy away from deep encounter with suffering – whether another's or our own.
Wise to those impulses, Jewish spirituality calls us against them. We are called, commanded, to visit the sick and comfort the bereaved. And we are called to allow these expressions of care, however strong our impulses to minimize, deflect or isolate.
These callings are utterly core to our identity, and they begin in this week's Torah portion.
Avraham took on the Covenant by circumcising himself. Immediately (Gen. 18:1), "YHVH appeared to [Avraham] by the trees of Mamre, as he sat at the opening of the tent in the heat of day." Our ancestors understood God to visit Avraham during his circumcision fever (before sterile procedures and antibiotics). It was Torah's first bikkur holim – visiting the sick.
We learn immediately that visiting the sick – being the one who visits, and being the one visited – is bound up with the Covenant. They aren't merely nice things, or optional things. They are core, and the reason also is core.
Many centuries later, Talmud called us to follow God, but wondered how we could follow an invisibility. Talmud reasoned (B.T. Sotah 14a):
| אֶלָּא לְהַלֵּךְ אַחַר מִדּוֹתָיו שֶׁל הקב׳׳ה: מָה הוּא מַלְבִּישׁ עֲרוּמִּים, דִּכְתִיב: ״וַיַּעַשׂ ה׳ אֱלֹהִים לְאָדָם וּלְאִשְׁתּוֹ כָּתְנוֹת עוֹר וַיַּלְבִּשֵׁם,״ אַף אַתָּה הַלְבֵּשׁ עֲרוּמִּים. הקב׳׳ה בִּיקֵּר חוֹלִים, דִּכְתִיב: ״וַיֵּרָא אֵלָיו ה׳ בְּאֵלֹנֵי מַמְרֵא,״ אַף אַתָּה בַּקֵּר חוֹלִים. הקב׳׳ה נִיחֵם אֲבֵלִים, דִּכְתִיב: ״וַיְהִי אַחֲרֵי מוֹת אַבְרָהָם וַיְבָרֶךְ אֱלֹהִים אֶת יִצְחָק בְּנוֹ,״ אַף אַתָּה נַחֵם אֲבֵלִים. הקב׳׳ה קָבַר מֵתִים, דִּכְתִיב: ״וַיִּקְבֹּר אוֹתוֹ בַּגַּי,״ אַף אַתָּה קְבוֹר מֵתִים. | Rather, follow after God's attributes. Just as God clothes the naked (as in [Gen. 3:21], "And YHVH-God made for Adam and his wife garments of skin and clothed them"]), so too you must clothe the naked. Just as God visits the sick (as in [Gen. 18.1], ""YHVH appeared to [Avraham] by the trees of Mamre"]), so too you must visit the sick. Just as God consoles mourners (as in [Gen. 25:11], "After the death of Avraham, God blessed Yitzhak his son"]), so too you must console mourners. Just as God buried the dead (as in [Deut. 34:6], "And [God buried Moshe] in the valley,"), so you too must bury the dead." |
Take this in. We are called to be hands of the Holy in this world. The call is baked into the first humans (Adam and Eve), the Covenant (Avraham) and the transfer of power (from Moshe to Joshua). It is baked into the source of life, the fullness of life, and the end of life.
We fulfill these callings in community – which maybe was instinctual once upon a time, but less so in today's hyper-individualized world. It can be uncomfortable to receive clothes, to receive care when we are sick, to grieve publicly. Modernity has elevated the public image, not wanting to attract attention, not wanting to dwell on what ails – to be stoic, perhaps even save face. And why would someone who cares want to "intrude" on someone's "privacy"?
But maybe there's something greater at stake. Maybe it's in those very moments that we need to be reminded that we are in community, bound by Covenant, called to be the hands of the Holy and let Holy hands touch us. Maybe these mitzvot galvanize us to face those parts of ourselves that either don't want to see, or prefer not to be seen.
It's not for nothing that this Torah portion is called Vayera – God "appeared," from the word "to see." For when we truly see in this way, the transcendent appears and, in profound ways, we partner in healing.
We fulfill these callings in community – which maybe was instinctual once upon a time, but less so in today's hyper-individualized world. It can be uncomfortable to receive clothes, to receive care when we are sick, to grieve publicly. Modernity has elevated the public image, not wanting to attract attention, not wanting to dwell on what ails – to be stoic, perhaps even save face. And why would someone who cares want to "intrude" on someone's "privacy"?
But maybe there's something greater at stake. Maybe it's in those very moments that we need to be reminded that we are in community, bound by Covenant, called to be the hands of the Holy and let Holy hands touch us. Maybe these mitzvot galvanize us to face those parts of ourselves that either don't want to see, or prefer not to be seen.
It's not for nothing that this Torah portion is called Vayera – God "appeared," from the word "to see." For when we truly see in this way, the transcendent appears and, in profound ways, we partner in healing.
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